Jennifer Wilbanks, cultural studies guru

The cops are saying that Jennifer "I Ran From My Ginormous Wedding" Wilbanks must have planned her escape because she cut her hair to disguise herself and bought a Greyhound ticket ahead of time. But physical evidence is so 1990s! The real proof that this was no spur-of-the-moment move is how incredibly culturally savvy the whole thing was. How many movies and other cultural phenomena could one person really pay homage to without a lick of foresight? She included not only the obvious obvious nod to Julia Roberts' 1999 quasi-flop Runaway Bride (bonus points because Julia is also from Georgia!) and the classic Fleeing-Wedding-on-Bus reference to The Graduate (although, of course, Jennifer was sans poufy white dress and Dustin Hoffman, as far as we know), but also the interesting new Am-I-A-Perpetrator-Or-Am-I-A-Victim twist on the otherwise five-minutes-ago Bridezilla phenomenon, and, to top it off, the never-gets-old Fake-Kidnapping-by-Imaginary-Nonwhite-Man chestnut that was so well captured in the South Park episode which featured Gary Condit and JonBenet Ramsey's parents. Either Jennifer has been plotting this puppy for months, or somebody should put her in charge of her own TV network, pronto.