This news blew me away almost as much as when I found out about The Divorce Heard 'Round the World.
Tom Cruise is gay. Clearly. I think this means Katie Holmes is too, and they're using it as a cover.
Okay, for us pop culture ignoramuses, who is Katie Holmes?
Oliver Wendell Holmes' great-great granddaughter. OBVIOUSLY.
Ignoramus--Katie Holmes is an adorable 26-year-old actress who looks like Betty Boop stretched out into a tall, skinny person. You might remember her from such roles as the adorably angsty Joey on Dawson's Creek and the annoyingly angsty April in Pieces of April.
Thanks for responding to that one, T&A Lady. I find it SHOCKING to see that there are some folks out there who've yet to hear of my fair Katie. Once her former flame Chris Klein (the faux-sensitive-jock-turned-choirboy from American Pie) turned out to be a drunkard, she threw him out like weeks-old fish. I could have SWORN that was my chance to move in. Apparently, I was wrong.
Toolstein, word on the street is that Josh Hartnett actually moved in first, and that maybe Katie is really dating him. Anonymous, Scientology Boy may be gay, but if this relationship is fake, its purpose is to sell tickets to Tom and Katie's big-budget summer movies (War of the Worlds and Batman Begins, doncha know). It's the publicity stunt that dare not speak its name.
I heard that Katie is saving "it" til marriage. So there's that.
Saving what? The good china?
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