Dear Doctor Frist, You recently implied it was possible to contract AIDS through tears and that simply touching another persons genitals could result in pregnancy. Is this true?Signed, Young and ScaredApparently this is barely a joke--as Wonkette reports, Stephanopoulos asked Frist this week whether he thought AIDS could be transmitted through sweat or tears, and Frist said he didn't know. Kind of like I don't know whether becoming Senate Majority Leader can turn your brain into a solid block of ice. Except, oh yeah, unlike a person getting AIDS from tears, the majority-leader-ice-brains thing has happened at least once.
Dear Young and Scared,When I said that you could get AIDS from tears what I meant was that getting AIDS could make you cry. Also, you CAN get pregnant from simply touching another person's genitals, providing they're ejaculating and you're touching them with your cervix. I hope this clears things up for you. Remember also that whenever you masturbate, God kills a kitten.Yours Truly, Senate Majority Leader, Dr. Bill Frist
Friday, April 22, 2005
Hot, Nasty Abstinence (or, Do Not Look at This Site at Work)
The whole world has got to check out Abstinenceonly.com. It's a spoof site that's both hilarious and extremely uncomfortable--sort of like The Office (British version) and Curb Your Enthusiasm, except with more information about God's opinions about your panties. I especially like the "Ask Dr. Frist" section. An excerpt: