Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Wherein I hope that Katie Holmes is whoring herself out

As you may have guessed, I have been in bed, paralyzed by despair for the future of mankind, since last Friday, when TomKat threw a press conference to officially announce that it had forever destroyed the romance of the Eiffel Tower by getting engaged atop it. The well-written and cleverly-titled Washington Post article "Ick-led Pink: Tom & Katie's Hollywood Engagement" pretty much sums up my thoughts on the matter, except that I would have picked something stronger than "ick"--perhaps "Have you no decency, Tom Cruise, you defiler of all that is good and holy." Or something.

Anyway, I was inspired to finally rouse myself from my stupor when I heard (via Dan's comment on my last posting--you're a lifesaver, Dan!) the FABULOUS news that Katie may be marrying Tom for money! As Defamer noted, in the least-blind blind item of the millenium a New York Daily News gossip columnist wrote that "There’s a contract. It’s worth $5 million. It’s for five years. There will be no sex. The deal was sealed June 7. That’s what I’m hearing."

This is the best news of the whole TomKat era. Please, Katie, don't break my heart by saying it isn't true . . .

8 comments:

Dan said...

Glad to help, T&A. Rest assured that others will obsess for you while you're out.

I wonder who pressed for the no sex clause? or is that just there to make the contract enforceable?

Oh, and I am going to see Batman. Meredith's logic that I would have seen it if there were no such animal as TomKat or Kat or Tom, and thus am only hurting myself has won out.

T&A Lady said...

That Meredith with her logic! She could convince a whore right into church. (That was a pretty lame variation on the old saying, "I'm sweating like a whore in church.")

Anyhoo, once you've seen it, please share with the class whether you liked it. :)

Anonymous said...

I think the apt phrase is that Meredith could talk a starving dog off a meat wagon. And she can.

T&A Lady said...

There you go! I knew there had to be an apt phrase for that. I guess I spend more time thinking about whores and churches than I do dogs and meat wagons. (Eeewww, meat wagon.)

Toolstein said...

I don't know no Meredith, and I don't know about no whores (mostly), but I DO know the following:

1) Batman was actually really good.
2) Katie claims to still be a virgin. I wonder if she's the one who pressed for no sex. Either way, looks like there's still hope for me.
3) Re: number 2, the fact that Katie might actually still be a virgin disturbs me. A lot.

T&A Lady said...

Where'd she claim to still be a virgin? Is she religious? It would be really shocking if that were true since she was engaged for, like, 5 years--I thought even virgins counted "engagement sex" as quasi-allowed.

Toolstein said...

From MSNBC's _Scoop_, after the couple began seeing each other:

"Tom Cruise’s new lady love has reportedly said that she wants to remain a virgin until she gets married."

Apparently Chris Klein never got a taste of none of that.

Anonymous said...

"Tom Cruise’s new lady love has reportedly said that she wants to remain a virgin until she gets married."

I think a reasonable construction on this might be that she wants to remain a virgin *vis-a-vis Tom Cruise*.