Happy birthday, Suri and T&A!

So Katie had Tom's illegitimate Scientologist offspring! Happy birthday, Suri!

In a coincidence . . . or is it?, tomorrow (April 19) is the one-year anniversary of my humble little blog, (read: isn't it the smartest, cleverest, prettiest blog in the whole world?). Happy birthday, T&A!

Now, I must say, at first I felt a bit peeved about the TomKitten news, because I had planned a one-year anniversary posting devoted entirely to Cruise-Holmes gossip, as a means of thanking them for providing me with such a very large amount of fodder over the last year wow there are more than I thought I think this is the last one. I had this whole vision that I would pretend that their whole relationship was staged for my benefit, and I would rank their most recent exploits in terms of their smack-talk-worthiness, like so:

• Tom Cruise's "joke" about eating the placenta: too gross to mention. (Oops!) D+
• The Scientologist silent birth, and in particular the people bringing signs encouraging aforesaid silent birth into Tom and Katie's house: Holy crap. Holy crizzap. Mind-boggling to the point that I am (ironically?) speechless. A-
• Tom's "seminars" with Katie and her family, and possibly his other children, about childbirth: This is a tough one, because it's deliciously uncomfortable New Tom Cruise, even better than his "You're glib, Matt, you're glib" incident with Matt Lauer last year. However, Katie's parents and Connor and Isabella are innocent bystanders, so that makes it kind of sad. B
• Katie's conversion to Scientology: I thought that already happened last year. Come on, publicist, new material, please! C-
• The whole pregnancy is fake: THE BEST NEWS EVER!!! A++++

So you see my conundrum: Suri's arrival makes the whole "pregnancy hoax" theory a bit harder to defend. Also, I feel a little bit bad making fun of a baby who, I'm not a gambler but I'll bet you a billion dollars on this one, is going to have enough troubles without me messing with her.

So let's just focus on the other birthday girl, shall we?* Being electronic and all, she doesn't eat cake, but I know what she would love for her birthday: a bunch of supportive comments from her e-parents!

*Brooke Shields also had her baby today. No news on whether Tom got over there to make sure she wasn't taking any drugs or making noises.