Hello again! I know I've been gone for longer than I said, and I'll probably be gone again this whole week too. You see, I'm currently Between Jobs, which, not to make you all want to kill me, is the best thing that has ever happened in the history of time.
Anyway, I am taking a break from not doing anything for just a minute because I wanted to say: Do not despair, Katie Holmes's pregnancy does not necessarily mean that her relationship with Tom Cruise is not a farce! As I previously noted, completely unreliable information suggests that the erstwhile Kate Cruise agreed to enter into a sex-free marriage with Tom for $5 million. Now, the pregnancy thing might seem to call this into question, but in fact there are many explanations which do not require Tom to have defiled our darling Dawson's Creek starlet. Here are a few:
1. Tom clone (in vitro fertilization).
2. Scientologist alien/Christ figure (immaculate conception).
3. Satan's spawn (have you seen Rosemary's Baby? You really should.)
Admittedly, being knocked up with Little Lucifer is not a good thing, but there is at least a strong argument to be made that it's better than doin' it with TC. This is enough to allow me to rest easy at night. OK, back to unemployment. See you next week!