Friday, July 08, 2005

Alert! Katie Holmes' brain is missing!

Let the gnashing and wailing of teeth commence: Katie Holmes has lost her marbles. Gone idiot. Dropped her egg on the frying pan. Put on a monkey hat. Traded in her chips for a lump of poo. This interview in W (reproduced in part on provides the chilling, incontrovertible evidence:
Do you worry that this might be a rebound romance for either of you?
"I've never met anyone like Tom," Holmes replies, her beautiful green eyes focused on nothing in particular.
Do you ever wonder whether this is just a honeymoon phase?
"Tom and I will always be in our honeymoon phase."
Did you learn anything in your previous relationship (five years with actor Chris Klein, which came to an end when they called off their engagement this past winter) that has been a benefit to this one?
"Chris and I care about each other and we're still friends. Tom is the most incredible man in the world."
Do you feel that, with more relationship experience, you get better at resolving conflicts?
"Meeting Tom—I'm just exhilarated. He makes me laugh, we have fun, we understand each other, everything is so aligned. I feel so lucky and so—like I've been given such a gift, such a gift, you know?" She pauses. "And it's just really amazing."

Nutsorooni. And there's more:
Anyone who has seen photos from the couple's June tour of European capitals in support of their summer movies will recognize the tall, cold-eyed Jessica Rodriguez, a third wheel at all of Holmes's recent public appearances. Rodriguez, 29, was described to me as Holmes's "Scientologist chaperone" . . . After the interview, when I ask Rodriguez how long she's worked with Holmes—reports call her a longtime employee of the Church of Scientology—she waves her hand and says, "Oh, no, we're just best friends.… Well, Katie has a lot of friends." And how long have you been friends? "Oh, a while," Rodriguez answers. "I don't know." It turns out the two women were introduced only six weeks earlier—right around the time when Holmes met Cruise.
Get out the straightjacket, boys and girls. Happy Friday!


Mr. A said...

Plus, she looks like a demented Victorian zombie-cum-underage-hooker in that picture. "Two bob and a ha'penny and I'm yer trollope, Mister Cruise..."

tsvidogg said...

I think the photo is kind of a shout-out to Tom Petty's "Last Dance with Mary Jane" video, featuring Kim Bassinger, yes? Was that song about pot? If so, perhaps this picture clues us into a more appropriate diagnosis for Katie's condition: Reefer Madness! (Tom C. would be disgusted if he knew the truth...)