Sunday, November 19, 2006

TomKat gets married--in 1987

What in God's name is going on with Katie Holmes here? The very short spiky bangs, the odd clumps of hair by the ear, and the somewhat square shape of her head all point to one thing: a bridal mullet, which is either insanely '80s or (one hopes) never actually existed in the world before today.

And the dress! The eye is so distracted by the irregular tufts of tulle jutting out from her shoulder area that you might at first not notice the off-the-shoulder-dress-PLUS-bra-strap combination that has not even been manufactured since before the invention of cellular telephones.

(For instance, the stunner to the left will set you back $44.95 if you Buy It Now!, because it's vintage, you see.)

The only explanation, I think, is that an actual friend of Katie's talked her into this getup in a desperate attempt to jolt her into realizing that she's lost her mind. The friend thought that maybe, just maybe, Katie would look in the mirror and think, "Who is that girl with hair like a wrestler wearing a costume from a Molly Ringwald movie preparing to marry an alien disguised as an over-the-hill movie star in a Scientology ceremony ending with a three-minute kiss? Omigod, it's ME!! NOOOO!"

Well, apparently it didn't work, but was a valiant effort, Anonymous Friend of Katie's. If someday Katie thanks you for it, I think that will make the opening of the Pandora's Box of Bridal Mullets worth it for us all.

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