Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Oscar Recall

Liveblogging is so 5 minutes ago. Here are my thoughts on the Oscars, aged for 48 hours:

Michelle Williams and Heath Ledger are intruiging because they're attractive, but not blindingly hot, and they seem happy but somewhat unsure of themselves. They have some things in common with Brad & Jen and other things in common with Reese & Ryan, but if forced to pick I'd have to say they're more like the new Kirsten & Jake. Also, I like her dress, but he's balding and needs to shave.
Nicole Kidman, why art thou blonde? She was a lovely redhead, but now her hair blends right into her forehead, elongating it into kind of a fivehead. (Fivehead! Haha! Ahh, that never gets old.) On the topic of her fivehead (haha!), it seems she eased up on the Botox enough to let one of her eyebrows move for the occasion, and that's progress, but the upper part of her face still looks strangely bat-like.

[Please note that it was at this point in my blogging endeavor that Blogger got all sassy, like, "You think you free web-based blogging software is going to let you post pictures whenever you want, eh? Is that right? Well, you are going to have to learn that life is sometimes not fair, missy!" So you will have to use your imagination about the visuals.]

Samuel L. Jackson's big retro moustache and little rectangular eyeglasses really worked at cross-purposes. He looked like a beatnik cowboy, or a porn star philosophy major, and not in a good way.

You can say what you want about Dolly Parton's UFO boobs and loud discussion of how her jewelry was worth $2M, but it is indisputable that she was the only musical performer who put her foot down about the interpretive dancers acting out scenes from the movie like stoned understudies. Props, Dolly.

Crash winning Best Pictureseems to me like how, if the high school play was a normal play with 5 or 10 actors, it could be the most inspired piece of theater since, I mean, I don't really watch theater so I can't think of a good comparison, but my point is not that many people would come. But if the play had some huge ensemble cast, like Grease or even Our Town, all the shows would sell out. I'm not saying Crash wasn't good, but I think it benefitted from having every actor since Ronald Reagan in it.

Jon Stewart, my shadow husband, you did a great job. Of course I mean it. No, I think it was really funny. No, it wasn't at all questionable of you to repeatedly make fun of the Three 6 Mafia like you didn't think a rap group should win an Oscar. Yes, dear, I'm sure they'll invite you back next year.

2 comments:

Mr. A said...

say it, T&A Lady, say it: Crash was an insipid, self-congratulatory, facile, and ultimately racist piece of shit and all those LA motherfuckers who voted for it can kiss my gay ass. I'm sorry, I just don't find some dumb rich white lady realizing that her mexican maid is her only friend to be profound in the least, whether or not I'm supposed to dislike her. nor do I think that it's redemptive or complex when racist cops save black ladies who they previously sexually assaulted by random coincidence from burning cars. oh, and NOR DOES IT SNOW IN THE HOLLYWOOD HILLS. Crash: by LA, for LA. it's such bullshit.

sorry about cursing so much on your blog. it's just that I didn't like Crash. oh, and I took Brokeback's loss personally.

T&A Lady said...

Interesting . . . I definitely did find the "yeah I'm a racist cop who sexually assaults ladies on traffic stops but I care about my dad and there is some back story explaining why I'm racist plus I save peoples' lives so now who's the one who was being too judgmental" thing to be fairly cheesy, but in general I thought Crash was pretty good. [Winces out of concern about exposing self as liker of insipid racist movies.] I thought some of the excessive coincidences (like the "non-racist" cop shooting a black man) worked well. I think I interpreted the rich white lady saying her maid was her best friend as kind of intentionally self-mocking and ridiculous, although maybe I was wrong about how they intended that.