Sigh, Joe Jonas

Over the last 3 years (!) of this blog's existence, I have noticed myself slowly moving away from writing about celebrity "news."  This is largely because the celebrities in whom I am interested are getting older (sigh!) and their antics are thus either less antic-y and more boring (Katie Holmes, Angelina Jolie), or juts as antic-y but more depressing (Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan).  There are younger celebrities whose antics still hit that sweet spot of preposterous and amusing, but!  I increasingly have no idea who they are.

Take Joe Jonas.  People.com tells me that he wrote a masterpiece of a public, passive-aggressive, confessional missive, sort of to his fans, but really to his ex-girlfriend, Taylor Swift: 

Several things I will state with all my heart ... I never cheated on a girlfriend. It might make someone feel better to assume or imply I have been unfaithful but it is simply not true. Maybe there were reasons for a breakup. Maybe the heart moved on. Perhaps feelings changed. I am truly saddened that anything would potentially cause you to think less of me.

Ahhh, the lack of proper nouns!  The "maybe"s!  The vague, veiled barbs stated with "all my heart!"  It's a masterpiece . . . but who the hell are Joe Jonas and Taylor Swift?  My lizard brain tells me they are singers of some sort, but that pretty minimal information to get excited about.